war

Spiritual warfare, this stuff is. The moment you think it's just you fighting your little fight -- with maybe a bit of God's help from somewhere far, far away -- it hits you. You hit rock bottom. And the sadness, the pain, the confusion... they're all just so big you have to pray, whether you believe it'll help or not.

You start to think you're something. (How, in the middle of so much stress, can you actually think you're something?)
"Gotcha," the demon says, although he speaks so softly, you think you heard something else, someone cheering you on. "Right on," the voice whispers.
"Thou shalt have no other gods before me, not even thyself."
You didn't hear that one at all, even though it was there. It was definitely there.
"This is about something else entirely," a demon coos. "It's about you. People shouldn't treat you unjustly. You deserve to be appreciated. You deserve to have an easy road."
But you start to understand that you are wrong, and selfish, and maybe you should apologize for your unfair thoughts. It's at least something to think about.

The forces rushing at each other are so fierce you're in a daze. You think you're just taking a bath, thinking about life, about what's happened. And then you recognize your wretchedness, and God's bigness.

And somehow, at that moment of recognition, you realize that a battle has just been won.