getting angry

The whole creation groans. Me. The poor, the widows, the orphans. The trees, the cattle, the chickens, the cornfields (okay, maybe not the cornfields; corn is king).

I've been reading about social justice and food. I've had this perpetual pressure in my sinus area -- tears ready to burst at the injustice in the world. If being an environmentalist means I care about this world and everything in it, yes, I guess I'm an environmentalist.

It started with reading Justice in the Burbs by Will and Lisa Samson. It's only been a week, and I already feel the wisdom of that book slipping from my memory. But I still remember the assignments I gave myself: to open my heart and arms (and not just my checkbook) to the suffering people of this world. Why? Because it's right.

There was an interview on our local NPR station today that made me mad. This lady was trying to convince women that it was too risky to forsake their occupations and stay home with their babies. "Because what do you do when divorce or death claims your husband? You'll have no way to support yourself!" Well, number one, if women kept their vows to their husbands, divorce wouldn't be in today's epidemic proportions. As for the widows, followers of God have been commanded to care for them, so wives shouldn't be left in dire straits even if their husband does die. I could go on and on, but the point is: the system is broken. This is a broken, broken world. Women shouldn't be made to feel like it's risky to be a stay-at-home mom.

Let me change gears.

Reading a book about the history of food -- The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan -- didn't seem to be something that would call that slow, dull ache back into my throat. But as I read it, I keep asking, "God, what are we doing to your world?" As for our production and consumption of food, we're so deep in poisonous cow manure (that literally coats the floors of our super beef-producing factories in America's "heart"land) that we can't even find a conceivable way out of it.

I'm so angry with the people who tricked our nation into believing that corn-fed beef is something wonderful, when in fact, it sickens creatures God made to eat grass (the cows, not us). But when you have your plate full of that "prime" corn-fed steak, you're feeding yourself a long, slow death, too. Beef wasn't meant to be poisonous.

I'm fed up with the industrialization and materialism in America, with the lie that says that you can have it all. I'm angry I don't know how to practice the attribute called sacrifice. I'm frustrated that I, who grew up proud to say, "I'm a farmer's daughter," feel my agricultural background crashing in on me, slicing away my idealism that my daddy farmed perfectly. I'm angry that he probably didn't have that option, and I'm angry that I don't have the freedom to do things the best way possible because of how our nation's politics work.

I'm tired of standing in front of the display of bread and being upset because all the healthy-looking hamburger buns cost twice as much as the bleached-white ones. I want eating "natural" to come naturally. But instead, it requires research, money, and... sacrifice.

I want to open a farm. I want to grow things without poison and sell them for the prices they're worth. I want to invite people to work there who need love and a job and someone to pull them up (because they haven't found those bootstraps everybody keeps talking about). I want to know an orphan; I want to know a widow. I want to stop being a glutton for fast food, gasoline, and cheap relationships.

I want to stop being a hypocrite.

august challenge: hospitality

Well, the month is half over and I haven't posted my monthly spiritual discipline challenge. I've had one in my head; I just haven't told you all about it.

Yesterday I delivered a basket of goodies over to our new next-door neighbors Ross and Lindsey. I took Isaiah on a sweaty walk to drop another one off for a man whose wife had just died yesterday morning. I tell this to my shame because in the three-plus years we have lived here, I have never given gifts to people in my neighborhood. I've wanted to, but I've learned that that doesn't count for much in the sheep-and-goat separation.

This month, I want to learn what hospitality really is. I always think it's about having people over and being a gracious host, but I've heard there's more to it than that.

We're having a group from church over on Saturday, and I hope that will be the first of at-least-monthly parties at our house. I want to fling open our doors and invite the whole world inside. If I can't run a coffee shop now, our house will have to do in the meantime.

one hundred things about c.l.beyer

1. I am Carrie Louise.
2. I first wanted to be a writer when, as a little girl, I read a biography about Louisa May Alcott.
3. The most memorable scene in that book was when Louisa’s dad made her and her sister take their bowls of soup to a poor family for complaining about the food.
4. I love to read Anne Lamott, Madeleine L’Engle, and C.S. Lewis.
5. I want to be a missionary and a mom to lots of babies.
6. There was a notice for a job opening posted on the library door today, and I almost drooled over the possibility of being a librarian.
7. My favorite root beer is Barq’s.
8. My favorite pop is root beer.
9. I’m from a part of the country where people call soft drinks “pop.” And there’s nothing wrong with it.
10. I get nostalgic thinking about wide open fields.
11. I was the best bunter on my softball team when I was little.
12. It drives me nuts when people don’t know how to spell “Isaiah,” and when they don’t listen when I tell them how: “a… i… a…”
13. I wish I took more artistic photos.
14. I can be frugal when I want to.
15. Being frugal gives me a sort of high.
16. I think we’re getting new neighbors today.
17. I could be pregnant right now.
18. But I don’t think I am.
19. I worry that that was too personal.
20. Unloving, critical people bother me.
21. I have a pimple on my forehead. Well, a pimple or two… or three.
22. I have four big sisters, but they’re all littler than I am.
23. Opa is my wonderful Serbian grandpa who was a Nazi in World War 2.
24. I know how to cook and clean and fold laundry better than most American women.
25. Texas taught me how to cook pretty good Mexican food.
26. I used to be an email-checking junkie.
27. Okay, I still am.
28. Suburbs drive me nuts. Maybe I’ll blog about that sometime.
29. I am in the middle of writing four novels, but I haven’t worked on them in almost a year.
30. In elementary school, I always got goosebumps when we sang the national anthem.
31. I still get goosebumps when I hear touching stories, but not when I hear or sing “The Star Spangled Banner” anymore.
32. There are 195 (now 196) posts on my blog, and I’ve been blogging since 2004.
33. I ache for American Christianity because so much of it seems superficial.
34. I wish I had a larger vocabulary.
35. I am reading Honey for a Child’s Heart right now, and it’s wonderful – a resource I’ll use all my life.
36. I love baking sweets but hate cooking supper.
37. My clean house gives me a high.
38. My house is dirty right now.
39. I want to run a coffee shop where people are addicted to the love they feel while they’re there.
40. Outside my family, I have two very good friends with whom I would feel comfortable sharing almost anything.
41. When people ask where I met my husband, I say we’ve known each other our whole lives.
42. My husband is sensitive, helpful, handsome, and driven.
43. To relax, I read books, watch movies, take baths, and accept massages.
44. I don’t like shopping.
45. I feel like a strong, accomplished woman when I mow our lawn.
46. I grew up on a farm in Kansas, but I didn’t have help out with the farming, except to hold piglets and cats while they were neutered.
47. I got engaged in high school.
48. I love chips and queso.
49. I like to support the little independent restaurants instead of the big, chainy ones.
50. I’ve been to Haiti, Mexico, and St. Lucia.
51. I’ve been to England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and Liechtenstein.
52. I speak a little German with a pretty good accent.
53. I hate pickles.
54. I’ve been in Colorado, California, Oklahoma, Nebraska, Missouri, Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Florida, Georgia, Connecticut, Ohio, Indiana, Minnesota, Arkansas, South Dakota, and Pennsylvania.
55. My baby’s awake now.
56. I am so thankful when Isaiah wakes up happy.
57. My philosophy is to get rid of anything I don’t use, even if it’s in perfectly good condition.
58. My mom is almost perfect.
59. I love being in the mountains, but I’m a weenie about hiking.
60. My first car was a stick-shift red Ford Tempo.
61. In high school, my after-school pit stop was Sonic for Ched-R-Peppers with ranch dressing.
62. Growing up, we had desserts called Bear Boo Boo, Goose Gaggalie, and Boob Cookies.
63. I made Goose Gaggalie Monday.
64. My Bear Boo Boo never tastes as good as my mom’s did.
65. I have never made Boob Cookies.
66. I play the piano, trombone (used to, anyway), and banjo (sort of).
67. We had the best cat names growing up: Sugi, Olga, Dunstan, Godfrey, Hooga, Ooga, Big Dirt, Little Dirt, Pork, Beans, Reuben, Peter, Muriel, Beetrice, Something…
68. Music I love: bluegrass, Texas blues, hearty jazz (not elevator music), old country, classical, rock oldies, folk
69. Song that most recently was stuck in my head: "Wide Eyed" by Nichole Nordeman. Good lyrics.
70. I have had one traffic ticket in my life – for going 74 in a 60 mph zone.
71. I have worked at a home for handicapped adults, a lumber yard, two schools, an Italian restaurant, and a scrapbook store.
72. I have never made more than $10/hour.
73. I am currently learning how to shop grocery store sales wisely.
74. I have been in hospitals to get stitches on my face (twice) and have a baby.
75. Dar Williams’s music is playing right now.
76. I wish I could buy more books.
77. I would consider breastfeeding someone else’s baby if its mother couldn’t.
78. When I was a kid, I could stick my belly out really far. I used to act like it was bread dough rising; then I’d punch it down.
79. My dad used to ask us kids to scratch his back, but he didn’t like us to plug his nose.
80. I think Edith Pargeter and Annie Dillard have the most beautiful styles of writing of all the writers I’ve read.
81. Books I love: Uncle Tom’s Cabin (Harriet Beecher Stowe), Blue Like Jazz (Donald Miller), A Wrinkle in Time (Madeleine L’Engle)
82. I have 23 nieces and nephews.
83. The Catcher in the Rye made me laugh out loud when I read it.
84. I would rather be a nun than the President.
85. I have emotional conversations with invisible people when I’m alone.
86. A few movies I love: The Spitfire Grill, One Night with the King, The Shawshank Redemption
87. I publish an Aberle family newspaper called The Genuine Giraffe.
88. Being a mother makes me feel important.
89. Recycling stuff makes me feel responsible.
90. In fourth grade I wrote and acted out a skit called “Always Pay Those Taxes” with my friend Anna Tennal.
91. One of my good friends from high school just moved 20 minutes away from me this week!
92. I am ridiculously fond of getting the mail.
93. My current car is a 2002 burgundy Honda Accord.
94. Kyle’s current car is a totaled 1995 tan Honda Accord that’s still running great.
95. I was driving the car when it was totaled.
96. But Kyle totaled his red Ford Escort two days before, and it’s not running anymore.
97. My sisters and I all have different noses. (That is, they don’t look alike.)
98. I have a beautiful nine-month-old son.
99. I have the most wonderful husband in the world.
100. I’m in a lifetime love affair with Jesus Christ.
     
     The End.
     
     p.s. Let me know if you want to see blog posts on any of these factoids.