getting angry

The whole creation groans. Me. The poor, the widows, the orphans. The trees, the cattle, the chickens, the cornfields (okay, maybe not the cornfields; corn is king).

I've been reading about social justice and food. I've had this perpetual pressure in my sinus area -- tears ready to burst at the injustice in the world. If being an environmentalist means I care about this world and everything in it, yes, I guess I'm an environmentalist.

It started with reading Justice in the Burbs by Will and Lisa Samson. It's only been a week, and I already feel the wisdom of that book slipping from my memory. But I still remember the assignments I gave myself: to open my heart and arms (and not just my checkbook) to the suffering people of this world. Why? Because it's right.

There was an interview on our local NPR station today that made me mad. This lady was trying to convince women that it was too risky to forsake their occupations and stay home with their babies. "Because what do you do when divorce or death claims your husband? You'll have no way to support yourself!" Well, number one, if women kept their vows to their husbands, divorce wouldn't be in today's epidemic proportions. As for the widows, followers of God have been commanded to care for them, so wives shouldn't be left in dire straits even if their husband does die. I could go on and on, but the point is: the system is broken. This is a broken, broken world. Women shouldn't be made to feel like it's risky to be a stay-at-home mom.

Let me change gears.

Reading a book about the history of food -- The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan -- didn't seem to be something that would call that slow, dull ache back into my throat. But as I read it, I keep asking, "God, what are we doing to your world?" As for our production and consumption of food, we're so deep in poisonous cow manure (that literally coats the floors of our super beef-producing factories in America's "heart"land) that we can't even find a conceivable way out of it.

I'm so angry with the people who tricked our nation into believing that corn-fed beef is something wonderful, when in fact, it sickens creatures God made to eat grass (the cows, not us). But when you have your plate full of that "prime" corn-fed steak, you're feeding yourself a long, slow death, too. Beef wasn't meant to be poisonous.

I'm fed up with the industrialization and materialism in America, with the lie that says that you can have it all. I'm angry I don't know how to practice the attribute called sacrifice. I'm frustrated that I, who grew up proud to say, "I'm a farmer's daughter," feel my agricultural background crashing in on me, slicing away my idealism that my daddy farmed perfectly. I'm angry that he probably didn't have that option, and I'm angry that I don't have the freedom to do things the best way possible because of how our nation's politics work.

I'm tired of standing in front of the display of bread and being upset because all the healthy-looking hamburger buns cost twice as much as the bleached-white ones. I want eating "natural" to come naturally. But instead, it requires research, money, and... sacrifice.

I want to open a farm. I want to grow things without poison and sell them for the prices they're worth. I want to invite people to work there who need love and a job and someone to pull them up (because they haven't found those bootstraps everybody keeps talking about). I want to know an orphan; I want to know a widow. I want to stop being a glutton for fast food, gasoline, and cheap relationships.

I want to stop being a hypocrite.

on politics

Just a minute ago, I unsubscribed from the AFA ActionAlert email list. I was tired of hearing the rampages: “Ford supports homosexuals!”, “NBC allows unsuitable programming!”, “Prayer is silenced at such-and-such-a high school!” It was just too much. I despise the negativity. In the name of “American Family Association,” this newsletter seems like little more than conservative propaganda.

I sound like a liberal, and I sound like a Democrat. Who’d-a ever thought it? I don’t think I’m a liberal, though, and I’m sure not ready to say I’m a Democrat. But I can also say I’m not a die-hard Republican either. I’m just really sick of evangelical Christianity being used as a political position, that's all. Since when are Christians called to stand up for their "rights" and dignity at all costs?

Today I’ve been reading Loud and Clear, by Anna Quindlen. Quindlen used to be a journalist, and she’s a Democrat. While only some of the book’s contents is focused on political issues, it’s enough to make me reevaluate my political stances. I don’t agree with everything Quindlen says – maybe half, maybe not quite half. But she makes me less mad than Don Williams – author of the AFA ActionAlert emails – does.

The thing is, AFA claims to be a Christian organization, and it just seems like there’s more finger-pointing out there than love these days, and I’m really sick of it.

Let me dig myself into a deeper hole: I firmly believe homosexuality is a sin. But until we prohibit heterosexual adulterers and fornicators, liars, swindlers and greedy businessmen, idol-worshippers, and angry women from certain American freedoms, homosexuals shouldn’t be treated as worse than any other sinner (I’m not suggesting we persecute all sinners, by the way). I’m embarrassed on behalf of my “conservative Christian Republican” brothers and sisters. And to the liberals out there that don’t know Jesus, I’m sorry you’ve been given such a distorted view of him through people that I used cheer on.

I am so far from a political commentator. There are so many issues I simply don’t understand – namely, the war on terror and the war in Iraq (or are those two wars one and the same?).
And while we’re on the issue of war, let me also say I’m tired of Bush-bashing (Bush, obviously, being the number one name associated with the war[s]). I don’t think it’s any more appropriate than homosexual-bashing. Respecting authority is hard, but it’s also the mature thing to do. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Let me tell you what else I did today: I watched Oprah. Oprah was interviewing Barack Obama, a guy more and more Americans are admiring on both the left and right wings. I’m one of them. I think he’s got a lot of sense, and Democrat or not, I can’t say I wouldn’t vote for him if he decided to one day run for President. One thing he said in the interview was that, aside from all the partisan bickering that happens in Washington, regular, everyday Americans need to come together on the things they do agree on – things like family values, things like our parents taught us when we were growing up: honesty, empathy, things like that. I agree. As much as that may sound like political schmoozing, I think it’s true. There’s so much truth out there that doesn’t come in the form of partisan politics.

I have decided that the truth I want to stand on is the truth of God’s word. And if that means doing something “notoriously” liberal like standing up for racial tolerance, then I need to do it. And yes, there are poor people in America who haven’t figured out how to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, and I believe I’m partly responsible for their trials. What can I do about it? On the other side of the coin, I don’t believe abortion is justified, but how am I approaching its supporters?

What do I care about, and how do I show I care? What should I just let go?

As much as I want to justify myself by saying I came to these conclusions solely by knowing what Jesus would do and what would please God, I’m sure the political subtlety of Anna Quindlen and Barack Obama do have their bit of influence on me as well. But I also think I’m being fair by listening to what they have to say. They aren’t ultra-left-wing, so I don’t think I’m being too irresponsible in hearing their point of view (not that hearing the ultra-left-wing point of view is necessarily irresponsible). I think the important thing is that rather than making me angry – like I become whenever I received a new AFA email – they make me think. I don’t always agree with them, but they’re mature enough to take a moderate approach, and that deserves the honor of at least being heard.

:: written 18.october.2006 ::